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The Latest Jokes - Page 12
hunter dials 911 and says, "I just shot at something that I thought was a deer but it was another hunter. I'm afraid I just killed him."
The operator says, "It's OK sir, it may not be as bad as you think. First, make sure he's really dead."
The guy says OK and sets down the phone. Then the operator hears a gunshot. He picks up the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.
whats the difference between a cat and a bat? the cat has fur, a bat doesn't!
Okay so there's these two muffins right? They're chillin' in an oven, when one leans over and says "AHH! WE'RE IN AN OVEN" The other replies "Holy Crap! A talking muffin!"
Zac was married to Ange and they went to the fair every year. Zac never got to go on the airplane because it was $10.00!
Zac: Please can i go on the airplane ride?! I'm 71 and I've never been on it!
Ange: No!!!! It's $10.00 and ten dollars is ten dollars!!!
So they walk up to the airplane man.
Bob: Hi my name is Bob. How may i help you?
Zac: I'm 71 and I've never been on this ride but Ange won't let me because its $10.00.
Bob: OK, I'll let you go on for free but if you say one word you have to pay me!
So they get on the airplane and Bob does as many twists and turns as he could! But no words came out of their mouths so on the way back he did more twists and turns! But still no words! Then finally they land.
Bob: i did as many twists and turns as i could but you never said a word. How did you do it?
Zac: When Ange fell out i was going to say something but $10.00 is $10.00!!!
knock knock, who's there? Cash. Cash who? I always knew you were a nut.
How do you keep a skunk from smelling? You hold its nose.
One day a little boy was approached by a little girl during school, and she said "Im going to give you purple passion" but before he could ask what it was the school bell rang and the little girl ran off.
So the little boy being confused by what the little girl had said, he decided to go see his teacher and ask her what it meant. He asked his teacher, and all of a sudden the teacher screached "WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?!!?" The boy replied "Well this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so whats purple passion?" The teacher yelled back "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!"
So the little boy went to the principal's office and the principal asked him "what are you doing here?" and the little boy replied "Well this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so I asked my teacher, and she sent me here, so Sir, whats purple passion?” The principal replied “ YOUR SUSPENDED FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!! GET OUT OF HERE!!”
So the little boy walked home, and once he got home his mother asked him “why are you home so early?” and the boy replied “this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so I asked my teacher, and she sent me the principal’s office, so I asked him, and he sent me home, so mom whats purple passion???” The mom yelled “GET TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT FOR YOUR FATHER TO COME HOME YOU BAD BOY!!!”
The boy was really confused, because he didn’t know what the big deal was. He thought about it until his father walked into his room and said “Why did you get sent to your room son??” The boy replied “Well…this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so I asked my teacher, and she sent me the principal’s office, so I asked him, and he sent me home, so I asked mom and she sent me to my room, so dad, whats purple passion??” The Father grabbed him and threw him out of the house yelling “I DON’T WANT YOU EVER TO COME BACK!!!”
Sooo…..The little boy walked down the street when this old lady walked up to him and said “Why are you all alone sonny??” and the little boy by this time was a little hesitant about telling her the story, but she urged him to tell her. The boy said “Well this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so I asked my teacher, and she sent me the principal’s office, so I asked him, and he sent me home, so I asked my mom, and she sent me to my room, and than my father came in so I asked him, and he kicked me out. So little old lady do you know what purple passion is??” Well this lady was sooo furious with the boy a near by cop approached them.
The Cop said “What seems to be the trouble here?” The lady told the little boy to repeat what he had just told her, so the little boy said “Well this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so I asked my teacher, and she sent me the principal’s office, so I asked him, and he sent me home, so I asked my mom, and she sent me to my room, and than my father came in so I asked him, and he kicked me out, so I asked this little old lady here, and than you came over, so ermm…officer whats purple passion?” The cop replied “THAT’S IT YOUR COMING WITH ME!” The cop than cuffed him and put him in the cop car and sent him to jail.
Now this poor little kid is waiting for his turn to talk to the judge, and finally it is his turn, and the Judge says “Son, your awfully young to be here what did you do??” and the boy knew he would be in trouble but he said “Well this little girl came up to me and said that she was going to give me purple passion and I didnt know what it was, so I asked my teacher, and she sent me the principal’s office, so I asked him, and he sent me home, so I asked my mom, and she sent me to my room, and than my father came in so I asked him, and he kicked me out, so I asked this little old lady, and than a cop came over about the noise, and so I asked him, and he sent me here, so ummm Your Honour whats purple passion??” well the judge said “THAT’S IT 20 YEARS IN PRISON GET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT!”
20 years later…. The boy gets out of Jail, and he meets this beautiful girl in a coffee shop and they start to talk about their pasts, and she asks “What about your past?” and He really did like this girl so he first refused to tell her, but she nagged him enough so he said “Well when I was a little boy this little girl came up to me, and told me she was going to give me purple, but I didn’t know what it was, so I asked my teacher and she got mad, and sent me to the principal’s office, and so I asked him and he sent me home, so I asked my mom and she sent me to my room, and than when my father came home I asked him, and he kicked me out, than this old hag asked me why I was alone so I told her the story and asked her, and she started to freak out, that this cop asked what the problem was, and so I asked him, and he sent me to jail, so I asked the judge and he sent me to 20 years in prision, and I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!” The girl said “OH I KNOW WHAT IT IS! SEE THAT BUILDING THERE?!” The boy nodded, and she went on “Run over there right now and you will know what purple passion is!”
The boy hopped out of his seat and ran in the middle of the street, but all of a sudden BAAAAMMMM! He gets hit by a car and dies instantly.
Whats the morale of the story???
LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET!
knock-knock
who's there?
interrupting cow
interrupting co-
MOO!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and Ships
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Dick Van Dyke came from Richard Von Lesbian Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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