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The Latest Jokes - Page 147
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"
How many persons are in the world? There is no world.
A bear walks into a bar and sits down. "what'll it be?" says the bartender. I'll have a rum and a (long pause) coke. "no problem" says the bartender, "but whats with the pause?" "what these?" says the bear holding up his paws. "I've had these all my life."
blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman,calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my flashers!" she replied.
One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
Q. Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A. They both depend on the batter.
bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
a man was stopped for speeding. the cop says, "i've been waiting all day for someone like you to arrive". the guy says, "well, i got here as fast as i could". when the cop had finally finished laughing, he sent the guy on his way without a ticket.
A mushroom walked into a bar and bought a drink for everyone. One of the men said "You know, you're a nice guy." The mushroom replied,"No, I'm a fun guy!"
what do cows watch? moooovies
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: what do bees where when they swim? beekinis Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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