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The Latest Jokes - Page 173
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
>
>"Mrs. Ward, please."
>
>"Speaking."
>
>"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When
>your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from
>another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is
>your
>husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
>
>"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
>
>"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's,
>and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your
>husband's."
>
>"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Ward.
>
>"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one
>time."
>
>"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
>
>"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere
>in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
I have never let school interfere with my learning
A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.
"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"
"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"
To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"
How does Google know what is and what isn't a joke? They probably have Bill Gates reading each joke, and the more he laughs, the less funny they rate it.
Do you like wyoming? I don't know, I've never wyomed.
Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm invisible!
Who said that!?
my printer is like bob marley, it keeps jamming.
Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time."
three blondes walk into a bar, ouch ouch ouch
Yo daddy is so poor he can't even pay attention.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class. The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class." "I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot. The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?" The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!" Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 85.2273% The joke's popularity is: 1.944
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