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The Latest Jokes - Page 180
So two guys walk into a bar and one turn to the other and says "Ouch"
if blondes are dumb, why do they know how to have more fun?
A thief, a midget, and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun looks around and says,
"By the love o' me greet ancestors and gold, I'm in the wrong joke!"
Brad is so nerdy that he went in his fridge to be cool.
My aunt is sick all the time. Just the other day, she opened the window and influenza.
time flies by when youre throwing clocks around.
Why Studying is Better Than Sex:
You can usually find someone to do it with.
If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who got there first.
A little coffee and you can do it all night.
If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "bookteaser."
You don't get embarrassed if your parents catch you.
If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
what is purple and goes gobble gobble gobble? a purple turkey!
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
You are so skinny i put a penny on top of you head and you looked like a nail
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: knock knock, whos there? doctor... doctor who?? thats right! Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 28.9544% The joke's popularity is: 6.572
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