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The Latest Jokes - Page 192
What do steroid and hurricanes have in common? They make you run faster.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar together. They both have a few drinks and after a couple drinks too many, the giraffe passes out. The man gets up to leave and the bar tender says, "Hey! Are you just going to leave that lyin' there?" and the man says, "That's not a lion! That's a giraffe!"
Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
Do get to the birds-eye factory!
Why's Ireland's population so big?
It's capital has been Dublin for 1000 years!
A guy walks into a doctors office and says ''Doc, can you help me out?'' the doctor replies ''Sure, which way did you come in?''
It's not that I dislike you it's just that...wait...no, that's pretty much it.
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was
> >better on the
> > computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
> >tired of
> > hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I
> >have had
> > enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and
> >from those
> > results, I will judge who does the better job." So Sa t an and Jesus
> >sat down at
> > the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They
> >e-mailed. They
> > e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets!
> >They wrote
> > reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and
> >graphs. They
> > did some genealogy reports They did every job known to man. Jesus
> >worked with
> > heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten
> >minutes before
> > their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky,
> >thunder rolled,
> > rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his
> >blank
> > screen and screamed every curseword known in the underworld. Jesus
> >just sighed.
> > Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted
> >their
> > computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's
> >gone! It's all
> > GONE! "I lost e verything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus
> >quietly
> > started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of
> >work. Satan
> > observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not
> >fair! He
> > cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?" God
> >just shrugged
> > and said, JESUS SAVES
What does a 500 pound Canary say? CHIRP!!!
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave
and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge
while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen
knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel
room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
A stupid man walks into a library and says, "can i have a big mac and fries please" The confused librarian says " Im sorry sir this is a library" The man says oh sorry and then whispers "can i have a big mac and fries please"
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: how do you know if an elephant is under your bed? your nose is touching the cieling Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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