The Latest Jokes - Page 197

 

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
    76.4% funny

 

why didn't the skelaton cross the road? because he was dead, and has no muscle tissue!
    50.0% funny

 

A priest, a preacher and a rabbi all work at the university of colorado. This university is surrounded by woods, one day one of the priest's students asks the priest if he's ever converted a bear, the prist says "no, but I will think about it." Later that day he meets up with the rabbi and preacher and tells them what the student said and they make a bet to see who can convert a bear. A week later they are all in hospital, the priest has a cast on and his leg is broke, he says "I went into the woods, found me a bear and read to it from my bible, it came at me and knocked me down and I broke my arm in the fall, I doused it with holy water and it became as gentle as a lamb." The preacher has 2 broken legs 2 broken arms and a few cracked ribs, he says "I went into the woods and found a bear, I started reading to it from my bible but it charged me and took me down, I wrestled up one hill and down the next until we came to a river, there I baptised it and as you say it became as gentle as a lamb." The rabbi is in a full body cast IV drip tubes going in and out of him, he's on the brink of death, he just says "I don't think circumsition was the best place to start."
    63.6% funny

 

Duck In; Waddle Out
    38.4% funny

 

The world's foremost authority on wasps is walking down the street when he sees a record in the window of a charity shop 'Wasp noises from around the world'. Intrigued, he goes into the shop and asks if he can listen to it. "Certainly," says the shop assistant and pops it onto his turntable. After listening to the first track for a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is a bit confused. "I don't recognise any of these noises, and I'm the world's foremost authority on wasps! Can you play the next track please?" The assistant obliges and skips the needle onto the next track. After a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is still confused. "No, I still don't recognise any of these wasps. Can you try the next track?" The assistant skips the needle on, and the world's foremost authority on wasps listens for a little while longer before shaking his head. "It's no good. I just don't recognise any of these wasps" The assistant peers at the label of the record and says "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I had it on the bee side"
    44.6% funny

 

So a duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartenders asks "how you gonna pay for that?" The duck says "put it on my bill."
    66.0% funny

 

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Intertupti- MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    0.0% funny

 

a "gangsta"'s sister is in town with him, and unfortunatly they are involved in an accident. The gangsta's sister is pregnant. Unfortunatly, she is knocked out, and has to have the babies. Her gangster brother must name them. She awakes to hear this and is scared. "Good News", says the doctor, "You have twins, an boy and a girl." The woman replies, "So what did he call the girl then?" "Denise" the doctor replies. "Well that's not too bad, what did is the boy called?" "De nephew"
    61.5% funny

 

Whats green square and cant fly? A field.
    90.3% funny

 

what side of the chicken has he most feathers? the outside
    67.5% funny

 

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