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The Latest Jokes - Page 221
There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those who know binary and those who don't.
How did the chicken cross the road?
WITH HIS FEET!
why do cats meow? Because they aren't purrfect!
Three strings walk into a bar and find a seat. The first string goes to get a drink but the bar tender refuses to serve him because they don't serve strings. So one of the other two says, "Wait, I have an idea." So he messes up his hair, loops himself around, then walks up to the bar and orders some beers. The bar tender looks at him and says, "Hey wait, aren't you a string?" And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
what happend to the king who couldnt measure. he wasnt a ruler any more
what is black white and red all over? A penguin that's rolled down a hill
A man is driving his five year old to a friend?s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn?t make it right, and I don?t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
what do you called a three humped camel?
Humphrey
why didn't the skeleton cross the road? because it didn't have the guts
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Knock Knock Who's there? Cows go. Cows go "who"? No, Silly. Cows go "moo"; olws go "who". Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 90.5345% The joke's popularity is: 4.953
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