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The Latest Jokes - Page 245
Four Psychiatrists were taking a break so they decided to swap secrets. The first said,"My secret is I'm deeply in debt so I overcharge my clients.". The second one said, "My secret is I know my wife's cheating on me so I ask each of my female clients on dates.". The third said, "That's nothing! I'm cheating with my secretary and soon we're going to elope together!". All three turned to the last psychiatrist expectantly. "Well...", he sighed, "My secret is That I cant keep secrets!"
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.
what happened to the frog's car? it got toad away!
When the Americans first went up into outer space, they found out that ballpoint pens wouldn't work in zero-gravity. So NASA spent over $2 Billion on research to build a pen that would work in zero-gravity. The Russians used a pencil.
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
too many cooks spoil the broth but many hands make light work
what happened to the frog's car? it got toad away.
what do you call a cannonball that falls short of the target? projectile disfunction
What do you call one blonde on the moon? A problem. What do you call a group of blondes on the moon? A bigger problem. What do you call every single blonde on earth on the moon? A solution!
birds of feather flock together, but opposites attract
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? A hundred. One to change the lightbulb, and 99 to contract consumption and die tragic, poetic deaths. Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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