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The Latest Jokes - Page 253
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had a brand new chainsaw and a new pair of gloves?
one day a matchstick rubbed his head and he got fire!
Love is a disease. Marriage is the cure
Yo momma's so dumb she went to a Clippers game looking for a hair cut.
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To go to the body shop!
A glass maker fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
The wife bought a fireguard for the living room. Seems like a nice chap
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
why did they build a fence around the graveyard? because people were dieing to get in!
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