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The Latest Jokes - Page 256
Why does Edward Woodward have four Ds in his name?
Because it would sound pretty stupid if his name was Ewar Woowar.
a guys says to a chicken, the yoke's on you
What shampoo do mountains use? Head and Boulders!
why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? he was on a roll
How did the baker get a shock?
He stood on a bun and a currant ran up his leg!
Man who stands on toilet is high on 'pot'.
Why is an elephant big, grey and rough? If it would be small, white and smooth, it would be a pingpong ball.
A biology class student conducted an experiment on what would happen to a grasshopper if its legs were taken off.
He pulled off one of its legs and yelled 'hop!', and the grasshhoper hopped. Then he took another leg and yelled 'hop!' and the grasshopper hopped. Then he took all of its legs and yelled 'hop!' but the insect did not hop. He yelled again, but the insect did not hop.
So he came to the conclusion that when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it will become deaf.
A horse a priest and a blonde walk into a bar the bartender looks at them and says is this some kind of joke
An old widower farmer from North Dakota finally retires into town. He goes a bit stir crazy after too long and decides since he has never been outside his home state he is going to take his first ever vacation. So he books himself 3 weeks in New York City.
Sparing little expense, since he's earned it through a lifetime of hard work, he does everything you can imagine in NYC: visits the Statue of Libery, sees all the Museums, goes to Radio City Music Hall, visits Ground Zero, goes to China Town, and even catches a taping of Letterman. Eventually, with about a week of vacation remaining, he runs out of touristy things to do. Going down to the hotel bar, he hits up the bartender about what he should do. Since its busy, the bartender almost blows him off, but instead, since he likes the ol' coot from NoDak, directs him to a grisly and haggard looking man at the end of the bar who is polishing off a bottle of rather nice whiskey.
The farmer approaches the guy, who looks like he slept in his nice suit and hasn't shaved in a few days, and tells him the bartender recommended him and what the farmer wants to experience in NYC. They sit down to several drinks and talk while the farmer pays the tab. Eventually, the New Yorker tell the farmer...and they're both hammered by now...that the best kept secret about NYC is that because its built on the coast and the buildings downtown are built so tall and close together that when then wind comes in from the Hudson Bay it creates tremendous updrafts, and one can jump off a building and they'll blow you right back up on top again.
The farmer, of course, isn't convinced the first time he hears it, but the New Yorker offers to prove it to him. So they finish their drink and take a cab to the Empire State Building. Once at the top, the New Yorker, without a beat of hesitation, runs from the elevator to the edge, scrambles over the fence and jumps off, laughing all the way. The farmer runs to the edge just in time to see the New Yorker reverse direction and come *WHOOSHING* back to the roof, landing squarely on his ass...still laughing. Convinced, the farmer scrambles over the fence and after just a moment of hesitation he jumps. Approximately one minute later he craters into the sidewalk at the bottom of the building.
The New Yorker, un-phased and still chuckling, looks over the, rides down the elevator, steps around the crater created by the farmer, and takes a cab back to the same hotel bar where everything started. Sitting down at the same spot as before, he gets the bartender's attention and points to his brand of to shelf whiskey on the wall behind the bar. The 'tender comes over and sets it down in front of him, along with an empty glass. While he opens the bottle for the still chuckling New Yorker, he says, "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw." The bar tender replyed "OH MY GOD, YOU CAN TALK." Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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