The Latest Jokes - Page 258

 

Where is Engagement, Ohio? Somewhere between Dayton and Marrion!
    50.0% funny

 

Don't worry I'm not being condecending, I'm just thinking about important things you wouldn't understand
    60.3% funny

 

what is the safest car in the world , an austin allegro cause if the wheel falls off a leg grows
    42.0% funny

 

When a woman says 'no' she means no. When a man says 'yes' it means he probably hasn't understood the question
    11.0% funny

 

AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh. The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification." "There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker. Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf removing all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats." Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole." "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing." Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate, issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for. The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said. Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but an spokeself said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."
    42.5% funny

 

the only way to get over a guy is to get under a new one.
    4.8% funny

 

yo mama is so dumb that she bought a video on how to fix a VCR
    89.4% funny

 

What do you call an unusual clairvoyant who gets hit by a bolt of lightning? A rare medium well done!
    59.7% funny

 

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 7 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, one of my older brothers matt or jeremy, my sister hazel or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. I think it's jeremy.
    47.6% funny

 

What's balck and white and eats like a horse? A Zebra.
    37.1% funny

 

View more jokes

 

Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs:

 

How does this site work?
Humor detection is easy with the power of Google. It uses the Google SOAP API for PHP to do its magic. This site is not affiliated with Google.