The Latest Jokes - Page 259

 

Dear Abby, I've never written to you before but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my BMW R1150 GS motor cycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike, that I noticed the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
    67.4% funny

 

what's red and sits in the corner? a naughty strawberry!
    63.9% funny

 

They say animal behavior can warm you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona
    39.5% funny

 

Did you hear about the zoo that only had one dog in it? It was a Shitzu
    59.4% funny

 

A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t get your telegram."
    40.5% funny

 

Two men were driving around England. They had no idea where they were so one of them stuck his hand outside the window. He put his hand back and turned to the other man and said: We are in Liverpool. The other man then said: Wow that's amazing! How did you know that? To which he responded: Because my watch and my jewellery have already been stolen!
    51.6% funny

 

why did your grandmother put roller skates on her rocking chair? She wanted to rock and roll.
    100.0% funny

 

I couldn't sleep for a week because that would be too long.
    9.1% funny

 

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hid in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? See how well it works?
    43.3% funny

 

What do you call a dog that eats corn? A corn dog!
    75.5% funny

 

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