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The Latest Jokes - Page 269
how much does a pirates ear peircing cost?
a buck-an-ear...
Three men approach the Pearly gates, and are told that will recieve a car based on how faithful they were during their marriage. The first man tells Saint Peter that he was unfaithful about 10 times, and he was given an old Honda Civic. The second man says he was unfaithful 3 or 4 times, and is given a new Toyota Corolla. The third man approaches and says that he was never unfaithful. He is given a brand new Ferrarri.
A few days later, the men meet up at a coffee shop, but the third man looks very depressed.
One of the men asks him why he is so sad, to which he replies "I just saw my wife going down the street on a Skateboard."
My uncle, Jim, took his son,Will, to a civil war reenactment. The poor child was terrified by the booming cannons. Jim finally got Will calmed down during a lull. That's when the general shouted, "Fire at will!"
what's green and says "hey, I'm a frog", a talking frog.
My grandfather was a magician. Every night on his way home from work, he turned into a driveway.
What do you call a snail on a boat? A snailor!!!
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn.
What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn.
What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel! No. Think of another wish."
The man agreed and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.
So, I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy..."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
what did puff daddy say to his gardener?
Use a Hoe!!!
What did one dead guy say to the other dead guy? Get a life man!
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: you can tune a piano, but you cant tune a fish Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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