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The Latest Jokes - Page 281
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
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>Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
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>Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla
>was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
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>Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee
>Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal
>cages.
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>Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample
>ability to satisfy a female of any species.
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>The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was
>approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the
>gorilla for $500.00?
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>Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the
>matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would
>accept their offer, but only under four conditions.
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>1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
>The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
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>2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
>The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
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>3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern
>Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
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>4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to come up with the
>$500.00."
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from you!
knock knock
whos there?
isabell
isabell who?
isabell nesecary on a bike?
What song did the elves sing to Santa on his birthday? --Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why are there so many pirates? Because there arrrgghhh!
An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
What's the difference between a musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: your mamas so dumb it took her an hour to cook minute rice Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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