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The Latest Jokes - Page 285
Why was the cookie excerisizing? To get fat free!
Why are elephants big and gray? Because if they were small white and round they'd be an asprin!
Just because you are a character, it doesn't mean that you have character.
What's black and white and red all over?
A zebra after a ketchup bath.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an earthquake? Asphalt.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
what do you get if you walk under a cow? A pat on the head
what do you get when you cross a porcupine and a sheep? An animal that knits it's own sweaters
What do you give the man who has everything?
The antidote
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-size bed, wondering where my brother was. Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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