The Latest Jokes - Page 295

 

There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
    82.8% funny

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
    47.5% funny

 

Whats up? the sky!
    5.3% funny

 

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A wooly jumper
    100.0% funny

 

procrastinators meeting, tomorrow
    100.0% funny

 

How did Canada get it's name? Canadians put letters in a box and drew out letters. Each time they drew a letter they went: C eh? N eh? D eh?
    2.6% funny

 

Two blondes in a parking lot, trying to break into their car with a coat-hanger. The first blonde says to the second: "I can't get this door open !" The second blonde replies: "Well, you'd better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top's down !"
    75.4% funny

 

doctor doctor, i feel like a set of curtains. pull yourself together man!
    87.8% funny

 

what do you call a 3 legged donkey? a wonkey
    34.9% funny

 

a guy walks outside with a paper bag, he was charged with rustling
    79.9% funny

 

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