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The Latest Jokes - Page 305
a blond and burnette jumped off a building at the same time. Which one hit the ground first? The burnette! because the blond had to stop and ask for directions
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. "What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? How's it work?" "Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scottsman all walk into a bar. They each order a beer, but, in a strange twist of fate, they each have a fly in theirs. The Englishman pushes the beer away and demands another one. The Scottsman just shruggs, picks the fly out, and drinks the beer. The Irishmann, in a rage, grabs his fly, yelling, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back...
Why did the Mexican push his wife out of a top floor window? Tequila
Your mom is so stupid she brought a spoon to the superbowl
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her thong underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.
My future mother & father-in-laws were standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
What do you call people who use the rhythm method of birth control?
Parents.
why doesn't iraq have any televisions?
because it has the teleban
Q: Who do you call when your protein breaks down?
A: Call the mRNA!
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: how do you catch a unique rabbit? unique up on it. Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 4.863
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