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The Latest Jokes - Page 312
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!
I celebrated Martin Luther King's birthday last week. I had a dream.
what's long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine, what were you thinking?
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope
suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde,
one was a redhead.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't
happen, the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing
few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the redhead gave a truly touching speech saying she would
sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.
yo mamma's so ugly she makes onions cry
How do you catch a common rabbit? Common, tame way, unique up on it.
A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ''Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark''.
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, ''Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.''
Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.
Then said the preacher, ''You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.''
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
What did one mountain say to the other mountain after the earthquake?
It wasn't my fault!
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Why did the baby goat cross the road? It was just kidding around. Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 89.8649% The joke's popularity is: 4.948
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