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The Latest Jokes - Page 320
Did you ever get the feeling that the truth is less revealing than a downright lie?
I don't know!
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'."
Advantages Of Being A Woman
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to hold the penis - oops, I mean the ladder.
You have to switch ears so you can write? That's funny. I write with my hands.
man and a woman were having dinner and as it proceded, the man kept slipping down his chair and shortly he was under the table. when the waiter brought the food to the table, he mentioned to her that her husband was under the table. she replied, "oh no he's not, he's walking in the front door"
Whatever drives your sleigh
Whatever texts your message!
once there was frog who needed a loan. So he went to the bank and visited his loan officer, Paddy Whack. She asked what he was going to put up for collateral. He took a brass statue out of his pocket. Paddy Whack said, "what is that?" and the frog said, "its a knick knack paddy whack now give the frog a loan."
If a cat always lands on its feet and bread always lands jelly side down, what happens if you strap a piece of bread with jelly on it on the back of a cat?
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: what did the snowman say to the other snowman freeze Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 79.5181% The joke's popularity is: 4.220
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