The Latest Jokes - Page 333

 

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.
    58.1% funny

 

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.
    30.4% funny

 

I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, "Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars." I did not know that was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are angry."
    18.6% funny

 

I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
    11.0% funny

 

My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.
    50.5% funny

 

When somene hands me a flyer, it's like they're saying, "Here. YOU throuw this away for me."
    50.9% funny

 

A friend of mine asked me, "Want to see a picture of me when I was younger?" EVERY picture of you is when you were younger! I want to see a picture of you when you're OLDER.
    100.0% funny

 

There once was a man named Norman who thought he was a Morman. He went to church and married Ms Birch and had three trees in the yard.
    11.1% funny

 

I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I decided to get a suntan instead!
    86.8% funny

 

If 13 is unlucky, 12 & 14 are gulity by association.
    91.7% funny

 

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