|
|
The Latest Jokes - Page 339
In the beginning, there was nothing, and God said, "Let there be light." There was still nothing, but by God you could see it.
Q. How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb
A. None, they all stand around and ask what they did wrong to make the last one go out
what has 6 balls and screws you?
Lotto
"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Zippy.
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over
twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," Zippy said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the
tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger
than the size of a AAA battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor
started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he
was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over
me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen
again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen," Zippy replied.
Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
I was meeting a friend in a hotel bar and, as I entered, I noticed two
beautiful women checking me out. "Nine," one whispered to the other as I
walked past them. Pretty proud of myself, I bragged to my buddy that a girl
had just rated me a nine out of ten. "I don't want to ruin the evening for
you, pal," he said, "but when I came in, they were speaking German!"
While walking through the Boulder Colorado woods a man came upon another man
hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you
doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..."
So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.
With this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his
wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to
the tree stark naked, and asked, "What happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the new guy shook his head in sympathy,
walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said,
"This just ain't your day, Cupcake, is it?!"
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One is unsafe around children and the other is just a plastic bag.
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Give me one with everything.
I invited my friend to the super bowl. I bought tickets in a reserved seat area, dinner reservations and found a place to stay overnight. I go to pick up my friend and he's carrying this super hug luggage bag. I asked what was in the bag and he said, "My stuff for the super bowl. Getting ready to go into the game he drags along his bowling ball. I asked why he brought the ball and he says, "I thought we were going to the Super Bowl?"
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: what do you call lee with no friends? lonelee Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 63.3333% The joke's popularity is: 1.477
How does this site work? |
 |