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The Latest Jokes - Page 347
what do you get when you cross a river and a stream? Wet
The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it
you think that you have problems? I lent a guy $500 for plastic surgery, and now I don'tknow what he looks like?
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog with no legs? He took him for a drag every day.
Why is santa so jolley? He knows where all the bad girls live.
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city folks).
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He would sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result..The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet-surprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
if i said you had a nice body would you hold it against me?
Three men are sitting at a construciton site. An Italian, a mexican and an American. The italian looks into his lunch box and says "Lasagne! If i get Lasagne again i'll jump off this building!" The mexican opens his lunch box"Enchiladas if it get enchiladas one more time i'll jump off this building!" The american opens his lunch box and says "Candy if it get candy one more time i'll jumnp off this building. The next day... The italian opens his lunch box "Lasagne! AHHHHHHHHHHH"and he falls and dies. The mexican opens his lunch box "Enchiladas AIEEEEEEEEEEE" and dies. The American opens his lunch box "Candy? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and dies. At the funeral... The three wives are sitting at the bench. The italian's wife says" If only i had know that he didn't want lasagne any more i would have made him something else." The mexican wife says" I wish that i had know he didn't like enchiladas." They look at the american wife. She says "WHat? He makes his own lunch."
Why did the Pollock drive his Volkswagen around in circles?
His blinker was stuck!
how do you catch a wild rabbit? YOU 'Neak up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Two drunks walk into a bar. Wouldn't two drunks walk out of a bar? Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 98.9796% The joke's popularity is: 4.991
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