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The Latest Jokes - Page 349
did you take a bath last night?
Why, is one missing?
Do you mind if i smoke?
Why, are you on fire?
A man found a well in the middle of the woods. He couldn't see the bottom, and wanted to find out how deep it was, so he dropped a penny in. However, the penny didn't make a sound! The man looked for something larger, and found a good-sized rock. He dropped that in the well, but still there was no sound. Finally, he found an enormous old cinderblock, and heaved it over the edge. As he was listening, he heard a noise behind him. He turned, and saw an enraged goat charging right at him! He dove out of the way, and the goat ran right into the well. Still, there was no sound. As the man turned to leave, he came across a farmer. The farmer said "Have you seen a goat round these parts?" The man replied "Yes, actually a big goat just fell down that well over there!" The farmer shook his head and said "Oh, that couldn't have been mine. Mine was tied to a cinderblock."
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephant coming over the hill? Look, there comes the elephant over the hill... What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephant coming over the hill wearing dark sunglasses? Nothing...he didnt recognize him
The primary school teacher was preparing the class for their
annual concert. Some children were to sing songs, others
recite poetry and some to play musical instruments.
Little Alfie had just come down from the country and
the teacher asked him if he would like to do some
farm-yard impressions. Alfie thought this was a great idea.
On the night of the concert, Alfie nervously walked
onto the stage. "Farmyard noises", he announced.
Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled at the
top of his voice, "Get off that @#$% tractor, Shut the
@#$% gate. Get that @#$% calf outa the yard. Get off
the @#$% combine! ..."
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Just over halfway!
I saw a sign on a church that said "Give satan an inch and he'll be a ruler". That just goes to show how arrogant we've become here in America that we just assume Satan uses the same system of measurement as we do.
I've fallen and I can't reach my beer!
a blonde went to disneyland and she saw a sign that said disneyland left....so she went home
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A Man standing at the checkout in 'Tescos', looks up and sees this gorgeous, familiar looking blonde smiling at him. As he leaves, he asks, "Do I know you". "Yes". she replys "I think you're the father of 1 of my children". He ponders for a moment and recalls his only night of infidelity. He then says, "Are you that lap dancer I screwed over the pool table on my stag night?" "No", she replies, "I'm your sons English teacher!" Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 62.1711% The joke's popularity is: 3.784
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