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The Latest Jokes - Page 350
DID YOU HAVE A LONG DAY? AHA! YOU LIAR! THIS DAY WAS 24 HRS LONG LIKE ALL THE REST!
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
That lady who sang "I've been to paradise,
but I've never been to me" must have been
stupid. Unless she's never seen a map with
one of those arrows saying, "You are here."
I would never join a club that would have me for a member.
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
Two telemarketers walk into a bar. One says to the other, man I am looking for some action. The other one says, man I've been screwing people all day long.
Ghetto Spelling Bee
Tyreal came home from school disappointed. "I hate English, dem teachers are always changing stuff".
Mother: "Tyreal, have you been using bad words and writing dirty notes
again?"
Tyreal: "Naw, momma, I sware I didn't. I used all of my spelling words in
a sentence like the teacher say, but the teacher, she gave me an "F".
1. HOTEL - My Momma said that she ain' gon tell her friend Shaqueta nothing else, cause that HOTEL everthang she know.
2. HONOR ROLL - We was playing bidwiz on the stoop the other day
and man, I was HONORROLL.
3. PLANET - Leroy got arrested cause he got him some seed to grow
weed, and he PLANET in the backyard.
4. DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a needle and said DISMAY hurt a little.
5.OMELETTE - I should punch you for what you jes said but OMELETTE it go dis time.
6. STAIRWAY - Getting high is stupid. It makes you STAIRWAY into space.
7. MOBILE - I went to buy some food, I was short on cash, and my man said gimme one MOBILE.
8. DEFENSE - I saw this dude running from the cops, but he hopped DEFENSE and got away.
9. AFRO - I got so mad at my girl, AFRO a lamp at her.
10. AFTERMATH - I don't feel like being at school today so AFTERMATH, I'm out.
11. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
12. DOMINEERING - My girl's birthday was yesterday, so I got her a DOMINEERING
13. KENYA - I needed money for the subway, so I axe a stranger KENYA
spare some change.
14. DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and da antelope play.
15. DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points My coach say DATA boy.
16. BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, "Is dis
BEWARE I can get a job?"
17. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark, handsome and not DIMENSION smart.
18. COATROOM - The judge said, "One more outburst, you'll be thrown out de COATROOM."
19. DECIDE - My boy fronting' like he love his girl but eribody know he got a couple of chicks on DECIDE.
20. FASCINATE - Her dress got 10 buttons, but she so big she can't FASCINATE.
why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from colonel sanders!
Why did the telemarketer cross the road? To sell the chicken something he didn't need.
Should I cut your pizza into 6 or 8 slices?
Better cut 6. I'm not that hungry.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five." Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 0.0000% The joke's popularity is: 0
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