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The Latest Jokes - Page 36
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. One breaks it and then they all get a big insurance check.
Did you hear about the emo grass? It cuts itself.
What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.
dude! sweet! dude! sweet! -dude where's my car?
what's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a lexus? i don't have a lexus in my garage!
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side
How many Emo Kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can cry in the dark.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Your mother is so fat she flosses with the garden hose.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 60.4982% The joke's popularity is: 2.926
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