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The Latest Jokes - Page 36
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. One breaks it and then they all get a big insurance check.
Did you hear about the emo grass? It cuts itself.
What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.
dude! sweet! dude! sweet! -dude where's my car?
what's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a lexus? i don't have a lexus in my garage!
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side
How many Emo Kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can cry in the dark.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Your mother is so fat she flosses with the garden hose.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car." Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 42.8571% The joke's popularity is: 2.862
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