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The Latest Jokes - Page 351
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ,
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously...
Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.
you can tune a piano but can you tuna fish?
Why did the bubble gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or
anything else I could think of.
But now I found out the real reason:
I'm tired because I'm overworked.
Here's why:. . .
The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government.
Leaving 19 million to do the w ork.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for
state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
sitting on your ass,
at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
how to make time fly, throw a clock
A blond asks another blond, "Which is closer, the sun? or Florida" The second blond answers, "Silly, Of course the sun is closer, I can see it, but I can't see Florida."
The owner of a golf course in Newfoundland was confused about paying
>an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
>
>He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University
>of Newfoundland and I need some help. I were to give you $20,000, minus
>14%, how much would you take off?" The Secretary thought a moment, then
>replied, "Everything but my earrings."
A duck bought some Chapstick. The clerk asked the duck: "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replied: "Just put it on my bill."
How does Bill Gates screw in a light bulb? He doesn't. He just changes the industry standard to darkness.
Three men got on a bus and only two of them paid. Why didn't the third man pay? Because his name was crime and crime doesn't pay!
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: Fat penguin. I wanted to say something that would break the ice. Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 88.2424% The joke's popularity is: 4.916
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