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The Latest Jokes - Page 353
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?"
There was a blond, a red head, and a brunette stranded on an island. A magical genie appeared. "you have 3 wishes" the genie said. The blond asked if she could get off the island to see her boyfriend. The genie granted her wish. The redhead wanted to see her family. The genie granted her wish. The brunette told the genie, "I want my friends back". Then they were all stranded on the island.
Why did the apple cross the road?
He wanted to see his Granny Smith.
What did the gangsta say when his roof fell in on him?
Get off me homes!
A panda walks into a diner and orders some food. After eating the food, the panda pulls out a gun, shoots the cook and leaves. The waitress says "stop, you can't go!" . The panda says, "oh yes I can, llok it up in the dictionary. The waitress pulls out a dictionary and looks up panda...it says...Panda's, eats shoots and leaves.
never play leapfrong with a unicorn.
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know
that
they
are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to
Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are
in
love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies,
"Well
Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies "In
Jenny's
room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge
grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll
need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance... Jenny makes 5
bucks
a
week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and
that
should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so
much
thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with
something
that Bruce won't have an answer to.
After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Bruce, it seems like you have
got
everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.
What
will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so
far."
friction's a drag
two nuts were walking through an alley, one was a salted.
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says, "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: I forgot to make a back-up copy of my brain, so everything I learned last semester was lost Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 80.8068% The joke's popularity is: 4.913
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