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The Latest Jokes - Page 363
How did I know an elephant had been in my refrigerator? There were tiny little footprints in the jello.
Man walks up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in a week . . . so I bit him!
Why did the little boy pour a can of vegetables over the world? Because he wanted to have Peas on Earth!
what does a frog say when he's up to his knees in water .....
kneedeep kneedeep
What song did the elves sing to Santa on his birthday?
--Freeze a jolly good fellow.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.
One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
when the going gets weird- the weird get going
I'm a terrible cook. All my gingerbread men are near-sighted. So, I started using contact raisins.
I was a very young boy, when I saw my teacher at the beach in a bikini. I said " Mr. Lindstrom you look strange "
some people think forest preserves is something you spread on bread.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!" Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 81.4016% The joke's popularity is: 2.870
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