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The Latest Jokes - Page 365
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
TWO VAMPIRES WALK IN TO A BAR, ONE ORDERS A BLOOD THE OTHER ORDERS A PLASMA. BARTENDER SAYS "COMING RIGHT UP, ONE BLOOD, ONE BLOOD LIGHT.
what is the longest word in the world? Smiles
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To put out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To put out flaming ducks.
son asks his father: dad why did you marry mom? And father answers: because of you stupid!
how do you get a chicken?
you have two reproductively viable adult chickens of differing sexes create it.
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill
Clinton.
One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the
proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool
professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love,
and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill !
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing.
Two women were out having lunch when a horrible odor confronted them. One woman asked the other "did you pass gas?" The second woman replied, "Of course I did! You don't think I always smell like that!"
what is a blonde's mating call? Oh, i'm drunk
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: You Work in Corporate America If... - You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. - Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro. - Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. - Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um. - You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes. - When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie. - You get really excited about a 2% pay raise. - You learn about your layoff on CNN. - Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. - You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. - Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined. - You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive. - It's dark when you drive to and from work. - Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else. - Communication is something your group is having problems with. - You see a good looking person and know they're a visitor. - Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet. - Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home. - Art involves a white board. - You're already late on the assignment you just got. Google didn't laugh at this joke, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 3.4604% The joke's popularity is: 6.305
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