The Latest Jokes - Page 401

 

Did you hear about the hunters who were driving through the mountains and saw a sign that read, "Bear left," so they went home?
    86.4% funny

 

what do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees? Neil
    90.6% funny

 

A husband and wife go to a counsellor after 15 years of marriage. The counsellor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade; listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counsellor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counsellor turns to the husband and says, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
    46.0% funny

 

A koala bear was approached by a prostitute. Since he had never been with one before, he was curious and excited. They spent the night together in a hotel, and he went down on her one last time before departing. As he was heading for the door, the prostitute yelled, "Hey! What about my money?" The koala turned, gave her a puzzled look, and shrugged his shoulders. She said, "Come here," and pulled a dictionary out of her purse. She pointed to the word "prostitute" and its definition: "has sex and gets paid" Finally understanding, the koala borrowed her dictionary, turned to the word "koala", and showed her: "eats bush and leaves"
    31.9% funny

 

my dog has no nose, how does it smell...? terrible!!!
    82.7% funny

 

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
    62.2% funny

 

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you can't pee soup
    5.6% funny

 

if cows say moo, do moose say cow?
    32.2% funny

 

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.
    87.9% funny

 

Two muffins are in the oven. One muffin says to the other "pretty hot in here isnt it?" The other muffin says "holy mackeral! a talking muffin!"
    87.5% funny

 

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