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The Latest Jokes - Page 42
yo momma so fat, she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.
Remember, honey, on your wedding day it's All right to say "yes."
What organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size? The pupil of the eye, in dim light
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh.....you have to roll up the windows first!"
yo mama is so fat, when she walks down the streets in a yellow rain coat, people yell "TAXI!"
Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the Beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be Queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack And took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "This is for Washing our hair." The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, Don't forget the curlers."
Knock Knock. Who's there? Brown. Brown who? CHARLIE BROWN!
why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: 3 guys walk into a bar on a stormy night. Except for the bartender the place is empty so they sit down at a table and one of them goes up to get a pitcher of beer. They drink quietly for a while until it's time for the third guy to buy a round and he goes up and starts to engage the bartender in conversation. "Quiet night tonight, isn't it?" "Yeah, most people stayed home because of the storm I guess." "Must be bad for business when it gets like this." "I guess." "How would you like a chance to make some extra money?" The bartender looks at the guy suspiciously but seems intrigued so he asks the guy to explain further. "Okay, I'll bet you $25 that I can take my eye out and chew on it." The bartender is even more suspicious but figures the guy is just joking. "No really. I'll bet you $25 that I can pull my eye out of the socket, chew on it and put it back in. What do you say?" Thinking this will be an easy way to make some money off a guy who is obviously on the way to being drunk the bartender agrees. So the guy pulls out a glass eye, pops it in his mouth and a few seconds later puts it back into the socket with a triumphant grin. "Ha! Told ya I could do it!" "Yeah, yeah. You tricked me good. Now take your beer and go sit down." The guy takes his winnings off the bar and returns to his friends with a new pitcher of beer. About a half hour later it's the guys turn to buy another round and he approaches the bar again. "Listen I feel bad about tricking you before so whadya say I give you a chance to make back your money and then some?" The bartender is even more suspicious than before but he really wants to get his money back and thinks that there's no harm in listening. "I'm listening." "Okay, I'll bet you $50 that I can take my leg off and screw it into this knothole here on the bar." What the... The bartender can't believe he heard the guy correctly so the guy repeats himself. "That's right. I'll bet you 50 bucks that I can take my leg off and screw it into this knothole right here on the bar. Do we have a bet?" The bartender looks at the guy, who is swaying just a bit having already shared 5 pitchers of beer with his 2 friends and thinks, This guy is practically falling down. No way he can do this. "Okay, you're on. 50 bucks says there's no way you can do this." With that the guy puts his $50 on the bar next to the bartenders then reaches down and starts to unscrew a false leg just below his knee. When he gets the leg off he turns it upside down and proceeds to screw it into the knothole on the bar just like he said he would. When he's done he let's out another loud "Ha!" and grabs the money, the beer, and his leg and hops back over to the table where his 2 friends have been watching the whole thing with some amusement. Another half hour goes by and it's the guys turn to buy what will be the last pitcher of beer for the night and as he approaches the bar with a big grin the bartender thinks to himself, Oh great, here comes my own personal practical joker. As expected when the guy gets to the bar he starts to ask the bartender if he'd like one last chance to salvage the night and make back his losses plus some. It takes him some time because he's so drunk by now that he can't stand up straight and he's slurring most of his words. But after 2 or 4 tries the bartender finally understands what the guy is trying to say and he thinks that he's finally got a bet that he can win. "So let me get this straight. You're going to bet me $250 that you can stand on this bar an piss into an empty pitcher all the way down here at this end of the bar?" "Tha'ss... tha'ss hiccup right" "And you won't spill a drop? Not one single drop?" "You betcha, hiccup" "You're on!" With that the bartender puts an empty pitcher at one end of the bar and the guy starts to get up on the bar and open his fly at the other. When everything is ready the guy starts to piss in a steady stream, aiming for the pitcher that is at least 20 feet away. It takes some doing but eventually he manages to to direct the stream at the pitcher and even manages to get some of the piss to land in it but not before he has pissed all over the bar, the empty stools along it, the glasses, the bottles of liquor and even gets a fair amount on the bartender himself. When he is finally done, he has had an awful lot of beer that night, he carefully gets down from the bar, his pants still undone, and gives the bartender a huge grin, obviously quite pleased with himself. The bartender is also smiling broadly so seeing this coming from the man he had just won $250 from is a bit puzzling. Counting his money a second time to be sure that he hasn't been duped again in some way he asks the guys why he's so happy. "What do you got to smile about? You just lost 250 bucks!" "Yeah but I just bet those 2 guys over there 500 each that I could piss all over you and you'd be happy about it!" Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 100.0000% The joke's popularity is: 4.021
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