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The Latest Jokes - Page 50
Have you seen the movie about the bed?
It wasn't made yet
A blonde is in a car and suddenly starts swerving all over the road. She gets stopped by a policeman and he asks why she was driving the way she was. Her reply was that there were trees all over the road. The policeman looked at her and said miss, that was your tree shaped air freshener.
Knock Knock Who's There? Nobody Nobody who? *be silent*
why is there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel? because she tried to blow the horn.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
what did the ghost say to the bees? BOO! BEES!
a guy walks into a bar and says ouch
Orange you glad to see me.
I'm so goth my smile muscles never grew.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Enter some text (such as a joke, word, or phrase) and find out if Google laughs: Random Joke: A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8. "But I already paid you! Don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "if you said you paid, then I suppose you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did." The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Some time later, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his ass...." The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way." Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 79.2332% The joke's popularity is: 2.496
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