Random Joke:

The new priest was so nervous at his first Mass that he could hardly speak well at all. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the monsegnior how he could relax. The monsegnior said to him: "Next Sunday, it might help you if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After one or two sips, it'll go fine." Next Sunday, the new priest followed the monsignior's suggestion, and boy could he talk! -- never the less, when he returned to the rectory, he found a letter from the monsegnior: 1. Next time, sip, don't gulp; 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12; 3. There are 12 Apostles, not 10; 4. We never refer to the Cross as the "Big T"; 5. The recommended grace before meals is not "rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub"; 6. Don't refer to our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his apostles as "J.C. and the Boys"; 7. David slew Goliath, he didn't kick his ass; 8. The Father Son and Holy Ghost are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook"; 9. It's always The Virgin Mary, never Mary with the Cherry; 10. And last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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