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The Latest Jokes - Page 3

 

two guys were golfing one day when a funeral pregression was seen driving by. The guy that was about to tee off stopped, removed his hat and bowed his head. his friend commented that it was the nicest thing he had ever seen. The first guy said 'not really. It's the least I can do since we were married 35 years.'
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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
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Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
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a man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac and asks for a pint for himself and one for the road
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How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? A hundred. One to change the lightbulb, 99 to contract consumption and die tragic, poetic deaths.
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A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them." the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have." explains the manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here." the manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have." the manager replies. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The mnager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
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Why didnt the skeleton cross the road. Because he had no guts.
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What's a motor that runs on internet? Search Engine
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Why does the french dog have a bump on his head? Chasing parked cars!
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what is purple and goes gobble gobble gobble? a purple turkey!

Google laughed, and the joke's funniness percentage is: 66.4530%

The joke's popularity is: 3.670
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